Steven Bartlett’s wine panic proves the stupidity of wellness culture

When I heard that professionally boring Steven Bartlett had “ruined” his life after an evening drinking wine, I was momentarily rapt. Could “Mr Perfect” have a redeeming dark side – and if so, what happened!? Did he ring a friend’s partner and confess his undying love? Crash a car? Post something career-endingly offensive online?

Well, buckle up, because the entrepreneur spilled all the gory details of his excess (three whole glasses, on a par with your nana on Boxing Day) on his inexplicably popular podcast, Diary of a CEO.

“I got worse sleep that night, and then because I got worse sleep that night, I ate more poorly the next day because my dopamine system or whatever, the cortisol system was all messed up,” Bartlett explained.

Bugger. Any hope of delinquency was fading fast – perhaps the next bit was where it got juicy? “I podcasted worse. I didn’t go to the gym that day or the day after because I felt really bad. I then slept worse.” Ah, I see. He had a… hangover.

Guess my definition of life-ruining is somewhat different to Bartlett’s. And while I’m not alone in this – the internet obligingly jumped in with plenty of sniggers about his low threshold – his position on what constitutes a good life is far from an outlier in our wellness-obsessed world.

Today, young people consume significantly less alcohol than previous generations, and spend a whole lot more time thinking about their health. What’s more, their halo is apparently contagious, with no- and low-alcohol options suddenly ubiquitous on supermarket shelves and at bars.

Of course, moderation is no bad thing – but when your whole life is “ruined” by a few drinks, I’d argue the needle has pushed too far. After all, and without getting too existential, what’s the point of being alive? Is it relentless optimisation, or, er, having a nice time?

As such, with an offhand anecdote, Bartlett has accidentally ignited a debate about nothing less than the meaning of life itself. Yes, wine will ruin yours if the numbers you’re crunching are sleep data, gym attendance and macros. On the other hand, if your metrics are blurring the edges a little after a long day, or really settling into a great conversation in the moment, then wine will categorically enhance it. Sure, we should ideally be aiming for a balance of both – but if you asked me whether I’d rather get a slightly worse night’s rest at the cost of a long awaited debrief with a dear friend, for instance, I wouldn’t have to think twice.

No question, alcohol ruins lives in all sorts of ways (take my schadenfreude fantasies above for starters) – messing up your gym routine, though, isn’t one of them. What’s more, abstinence exacts its own toll; Bartlett and his ilk would do well to remember that rigidly early nights and finicky eating means opting out of all sorts of unquantifiably enriching adventures, spontaneous as well as scheduled.

“Anyone who knows me well knows that I’m obsessed with the data,” said Bartlett, of his wellness tracking. But while I hope he’s happy about his resting heartrate, or whatever these guys measure, it’s hardly the kind of thing one reminisces about on their deathbed.

Or, put it this way: a couple of paracetamol and a can of Coke can work miracles after overdoing it. But there’s no remedy in the world that can soothe the ache of the things you didn’t do. How’s that for in vino veritas?

المصدر: iNews